Why Are Blacks so Hard on Each Other?

By Pamela Bratcher-McMillan

President, Chair & CEO, of PETAL et al.

 

 Remember when we were kids and our parents told us ‘don’t talk to strangers?’ That was because they felt we weren’t old enough to have good judgment about people; that we had no way of knowing who meant us harm or who was in a position to harm us so it was best we excluded everyone we didn’t know from home or at school.

But when we become adults, we should be able to act on our feelings and instincts in most cases. Everyone is not out to get you! So why are you so mean? If a person says “hello” to you, why do you walk by without saying anything? Worst yet, you put a scowl look on your face. Are you unaccustomed to people showing you kindness or being polite? Why is it that when our Black business owners want to share information about their business or sell products to Blacks they hurriedly run straight downtown to spend their dollars with businesses that don’t give a doggone about the welfare of their community?

I recently attended a networking event on the South Side of Chicago. This was unusual for me in that I find more technology and business-based networks on the North Side. It was practically unheard of to find something similar to what I was accustomed to out South but, of course, I was glad to see it.

During the event, I walked up to an older woman, said hello to her and asked what products her company was selling. She drew back as if I had asked her for a date. I told her. ‘This is a networking event.’ She said ‘Oh’ and proceeded to slightly raise the corners of her lips to resemble a smile. She then talked about her business. By that time, I was uninterested. There was no way I would do business with a person that lacked just plain, simple good manners, one of the basic requirements to having a successful business. You have to sell your business acumen as well as your  products to the public.

Several times in the past, I’ve seen Blacks working at cash registers (not all) they will serve up everyone else with a smile, “hello and how are you doing?” But as soon as someone that looks like them gets to the cash register, the eyes and smile drop as if they do not want to be pleasant with other Blacks. Why?

I know that I can never fathom what some people have been through in their communities, but we must learn to distinguish when harm or good is present. Listen to the words, watch the body language, but most of all, be the best person you can be in any situation. Some of the most peculiar people I’ve met in my life turned out to be not so peculiar at all. They were just not like everybody else. Just because someone that looks like you says ‘Hi’ with a smile doesn’t mean they are after you.

I have run into people that were impolite in organizations. Sometimes I double back and ask, “What was that?” It allows them the opportunity to straighten up and rephrase their rudeness…and they usually do.

I understand that there are times when people are having a bad day and have a tendency to take it out on the next person or persons they see, which is why I try to give them the chance to clean up their attitude by asking the question. Otherwise, their behavior will be reported. Would you want someone like that giving your business a bad image? No, you wouldn’t. You should never hire mean and impolite people to work for you. They have the potential of wrecking your business while in a position of representing you.

My biggest concern though, is that the bottom line is usually one of self-hate and a feeling of inferiority that make people act that way, and arrogance is a cover-up for their insecurity.

Not only is this behavior ugly, it is old school. Your most successful leaders and business people in the community are charismatic and charming. They don’t practice inappropriate behavior and judgments. From the start, they have groomed themselves for success.

For anyone who has  plans to get anywhere in this world and have a nasty disposition, chances are they won’t get very far or if they do make some inroads they won’t last very long because they’ll put out misery and unkindness, and they will receive it back. So its best to be kind to your neighbor who is now everyone on the planet!

Pamela Bratcher-McMillan is a technology Expert and President, Chair & CEO, of PETAL et al.